Sunday, April 29, 2012


Sometimes you just need a little girl time.  Especially when you live in a house of boys.  This weekend was kinda crazy with Carter's first birthday on Saturday and a huge list of things to do, but I managed two girl dates.  Whenever I have some quality time with my girlfriends, it reminds me of how important it is to take a little "me" time every now and then.  I always come home feeling refreshed and ready to take on my crazy life. If I spent time with these women on a daily basis I would have abs of steel; we laugh the entire time we are together.

Saturday night we went out to celebrate Jamie & Zara's birthday at Darcelle's.  If you have never been to Darcelle's in Portland, you need to make a special trip.  It is an institution. It is fantastic. Darcelle is an 81 year old drag queen who looks better in a spandex suit than most 30 year old women.  We had three rows of laughing, dancing, singing girls watching men who not only dance better than we can (okay, maybe not better than Jamie) but also dress better too.  It is part comedy show, part musical theater, part craziness.  It is completely inappropriate and completely fabulous.

Tonight we had our monthly book club meeting. This month we happened to read a new, extremely popular title which is based partly in Vancouver and Portland.  If you haven't heard of Fifty Shades of Grey you probably don't watch TV, or listen to the radio, or go on Facebook, or read magazines, or talk to anyone.  It is everywhere.  Everyone is talking about it - Ellen did a bit last week on her show that was hilarious. It is the NAUGHTIEST book I have ever read. I am not joking. And, as a librarian, I have read A LOT of books. I can blush just thinking about it. I dare you to google it if you haven't heard of it; you will blush too.

Needless to say, tonight's book club was awesome!!  Like Darcelle's, it was completely inappropriate and yet completely fabulous. I laughed and laughed and laughed and then laughed some more.  I love these girls. They inspire me, love me, support me, and let me just be me.  I look forward to our girl dates. I am thankful for them and our time together; it is ALWAYS fabulous (and possibly always a little bit inappropriate).  

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Cheat day

This is just a quick update. Today was my anniversary and "cheat" day.  Wait a minute... that sounds so wrong.  It was my "cheat day" for my diet.  Yes, I did eat a lot of food. I did consume onion rings and half of a loaf of bread. White bread with butter and garlic.  And it was good. I think I gained about 5 pounds back.  Oh well.  It was worth it.

As for my "improver" job, my sister-in-law may have beaten me to the position.  This is what we came home to after our anniversary dinner...

I loved it! David, Cooper and I giggled about it before bed. A great way to end a great day.  What will tomorrow bring?  I'm back on the wagon but with a new hairdo.  My hair is now short, red and sassy. I am hoping it will give me enough attitude to survive the next 11 days on Medifast. Let's go! Bring on Wednesday!

Sunday, April 22, 2012


In my next life, I plan on being an inventor. Okay, maybe not an inventor but an "improver"... someone who takes existing products and just makes them better.  I also plan on being an actress and singer but those aren't as exciting as an "improver."  And I can't really act or sing but I do have some "improver" ideas.

Case in point. Diapers. The people at Pampers and every other diaper company think it is cute to put Big Bird and Cookie Monster on diapers. All diapers have some kind of kid-friendly design with a cartoon.  Carter doesn't look at his diapers... I do.  I don't care to see Elmo smiling at me at 5 in the morning.  I would love a diaper to appeal to the adult in charge of changing it.  For example, instead of Elmo put a picture of John Belushi on the diaper with his famous quote, "I owe it all to little chocolate donuts." Wouldn't that be awesome? Think of the possibilities:  famous quotes, a comic strip for parents, funny sayings.  I think it would be a win-win situation. Diapers would be changed more frequently because parents would want to check out the next diaper in the pack... Pampers would sell more diapers....and kids wouldn't know the difference. 

Maybe I will just buy a box of generic white diapers and attack with my Sharpies. Or possibly just add some fun stuff to Carter's Pampers. Anything to make diaper changing a bit more entertaining... and less of a job. I also have ideas about toddler potty training toilet paper as well as adult diapers (thanks to a friend). See a trend? When you see me modeling diapers on the Today Show you will know I have hit the big time. Until then, I'll keep practicing my singing in the car. 


Wednesday, April 18, 2012


I'm hungry. Seriously. I am obsessed with food. I am on Day 9 of my "24 Days of Hell" (otherwise known as Medifast) and it is consuming my life. I only think about food. You know the saying, "Eat to live... don't live to eat?"  It was a naturally skinny person who said that.  Or someone getting paid to say it. Trust me.

In terms of weight loss, I can't really complain.  I have lost 6 pounds in those 9 days. Everyone says, "Wow! That is great!"  And it is... except.... anyone would lose that much if they were starving like I am.
If you only ate about 1000 calories a day with very few carbs and hardly any sugar, you too would lose weight. And probably be as grouchy as I am.  I am sure my co-workers are ready to try and sneak some bacon into my Medifast shakes or sign me up for an involuntary transfer.

This coming Tuesday is my 13th wedding anniversary so I have "allowed" myself a cheat meal so David and I can go to dinner. Just the two of us. Exciting, right?!  I love my husband and love hanging out with him but to be perfectly honest.... I am more excited about eating a real meal.  I already know exactly what I am going to eat.  And I am telling you right now it doesn't include a "lean protein" nor a "green vegetable." It will include onion rings (no matter the restaurant...even if I have to pack my own) and I might just try to get bread instead of a salad as my starter. I'm not kidding.

I know I shouldn't "live to eat" or whatever... but right now... it is the only thing that keeps me going. I have 17 more days (minus one anniversary dinner).  I will make it. I have to finish what I started. I may have fewer friends and my family dislike me...but I will make it.  It will be hard...I know the next 17 days will be all about dreaming of food and obsessing about what I would eat if I could. 

I don't know what I will do on Cheese Zombie lunch day at school. I may have to call in sick. What can I say? I'm hungry.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

24 days

I can do anything for 24 days, right? 24 days. Less than a month. Just over 3 weeks. No big deal.  Well, today was Day 2 and I am not sure if I will make it to Day 3.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am usually on some kind of diet. My genetic code prefers french fries to broccoli and I seem to be allergic to exercise. I may have an addiction to bread. I have been on a ton of diets, "lifestyles" and programs. Slim Fast? Yes. Alli? Own it but too afraid to try it. Special K? Of course. Weight Watchers? They know me by name.  The latest weight loss adventure? Medifast.

I bought a bunch of Medifast "meals" (I put meals in quotes since they are far from a meal) last fall with the full intention of losing "Weight Gain 2011" (also known as Carter). I tried it for a few weeks, had success, but gave up for the holidays. Who knew the holidays went from November through March?  First it was a Vegas trip, then Thanksgiving, then Christmas, then New Year's..... then my Kansas trip, then President's Day, another Vegas trip, you get the idea.  After looking at boxes of expensive food filling up my counters and a closet full of jeans that don't get past my knees, I decided to give it another go.  Here I am at Day 2.

It sucks. No other way to put it. 5 packaged "meals" and one regular meal a day. The problem is the "regular meal" is a lean protein and a green veggie. Um...that is NEVER a "regular meal" in my world. Bring on the potatoes, the rice, and the BREAD.  I can live without chocolate, candy, cake...but the no bread rule might just make me need to be medicated. More than I already am.

My friend Jody had a great plan to help me out. Put all my Medifast food into lunch bags with 5 meals in each bag. That way each day I just grab a bag and go. Plus, as a bonus, I would have a way of "counting" down how many days I have left. That is where the number 24 comes in. 24 bags of food = 24 days of misery Medifast. I told myself to just get through the 24 days and then I can move on to the next fad diet.

My bags all lined up
I can do it, right? My jeans health depends on it. I figure if I blog about it... I can't quit.  
Here is to Day 3. And broccoli.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

From Clueless to Fan to Fanatic

Cooper has played baseball since he was 5 only because we signed him up and never really asked him. He loved it but only wanted to play baseball during baseball time.  He wasn't interested in watching it on TV, playing catch outside or watching other teams play. He didn't show any interest in watching any kinds of sports on TV until about 8 months ago. My "sometime" baseball player suddenly turned into a sports fan and a three sport athlete.  All at age 7.

I think it started with football in the fall or maybe with basketball this winter.  He had played different sports and now had an idea of how they all were played. This seemed to ignite a spark. All I know is that my child who didn't have a clue what ESPN or Sports Illustrated was started asking to watch sports on television and was even setting the DVR to record SportsCenter. He started watching football then basketball, on to hockey, soccer, you name it. Professional, college, amateur, men's, women's... he isn't picky. If it has jerseys and some kind of referee, he is watching. 

I love that he loves sports. What I don't love is that he now plays them every waking minute of the day. Did you know that a pair of socks can become a hockey puck? And that a pair of your dad's socks inside a stocking cap works great as a football? A pair of socks tightly rolled can be a baseball or a basketball. It drives me crazy. He is constantly shooting an imaginary ball, catching an invisible pass or tackling an imaginary opponent. I am not kidding. It. is. Constant.

He loves the Kentucky Wildcats, the Baylor Bears, the Portland Trailblazers, the Portland Winterhawks, anything WSU, the Seahawks, the Mariners, and just about any other team he can find a connection to. We have wonderful family members and friends (who are like family) who constantly buy him all kinds of cool gear. He was so proud to wear his "Bow to Da Brow" t-shirt (Anthony Davis from U of K shirt) the day of the National Championships and strutted his Baylor shirt the day Britteny Griner led the Lady Bears to victory.  It cracks me up.

One year ago, I had a kid who didn't know what a touchdown was or a three point shot or a penalty kick. Now we have a fanatic on our hands who dreams of being a professional athlete.  Baseball just started again and I think he loves it. Maybe it is the glimmer in his eye when he gets suited up... maybe it is the smile on his face when he has a great game....maybe it is just the love of the game. Apparently he has a love of ALL the games.  It's all good. As long as we can find a pair of clean socks.